ANGUISH!

Aghhhhhhhhh. You know, when you're a kid in school you have to deal with people leaving you out, being rude, talking about you behind your back, stabbing you in that back after they've talked about you behind it, pretending to be your friend. In school you have to be in the in crowd, which is so dumb because it's usually filled with snobby kids that think they're better than other people and they're SO not, just because of that fact. We still want to be friends with them and why? WHY? You sit there and wonder, Oh! There they are. I wonder if they'll say hi to me today. Should I try and say hi? Hmmm, do I risk being humiliated? Ok - I'll do it...Hi! Nothing, the wind of them walking by smacks you in the face. Nice. Well, guess what? When you get older - it doesn't stop. If you ignore them - YOU'RE JUDGED.

Then, it's carried on to younger generations. It's gross. You know if you can't give a simple hi why are you even on this planet? If it's to reach out to a lost generation, that's not the way to do it? Do you think it's cool? Well it's not - it shows you are rude and care about no one but yourself.

You might think - hmmm, she has issues. Look how mad she is about this but you know what? I am mad! I homeschooled my kids in the hopes that they didn't have to be around people that pick and choose their friends like a new shirt and when they get tired of it, they give it away and get a new one. Or that they are only polite and nice to people when they feel like it - or if they're popular. That's garbage! Especially as Christians.

I want for my kids and myself to be friends with people because they are nice, not just on the outside, but on the inside. Why would parents not want to teach their children to not be rude? They don't even realize that other kids avoid their children because they're mean and rude. Why? It's not that they don't know - they just don't have time to deal with it. So who pays the price? Well, everyone that has to be around them.

I'm so tired of the games!!! Where are the people out there that want to be friends and make a difference in someone's life for no reason but to glorify God. No hidden agendas, no need to feel puffy, no need to make yourself better than someone. Do they exist???

Ok - so after all that venting, which I'll probably delete when I feel better, my prayer is this:

God help me to see all these people as you see them. Help me to pray for their hurts instead of focusing on mine. Help me to see and know in my heart that what happens horizontally is secondary to what happens vertically between me and you. My hope is not in people, it is in YOU and it should never stray from that.

Help me to get in my heart that the only thing that should matter is my relationship with YOU. People will hurt us and disappoint us everytime but YOU are eveything and will fill every void in our lives.

Thank you that I can come to you with all this. Please forgive me for my anger.

Amen.